The Rebound
by UnstableUniverses
Summary: When Alana finds out that her boyfriend has been cheating on her, she regains he confidence the only way she knows how. Ain't nothing wrong with a good ole fashioned rebound. Written for the Unstable Universes podcast.


Alana walked into The Felted Frog. Muppets gathered in small groups along the edges of the exclusive nightclub. At the center was a large stage where scantily clad giraffes and gazelles danced on poles; it was exotics night. Around the stage Muppets grinded to the raging techno music. It smelled like felt on felt action, Alana began to sweat profusely.

Her boyfriend at the time, a large hulking gorilla, was the reason she was here. Bodies pushed her back and forth as her eyes scanned the crowd looking for her big blue man. Unfortunately, he was easy to spot. Alana's buff gorilla boyfriend had pushed his way on stage and was now grinding against one of the giraffes, their mouths locked together in a sloppy kiss.

Passion and anger overtook Alana as she jumped on stage and swung at the burly man.

"Harambe I'm going to kill you," she screamed. Her fists swung expertly, beating against his boyfriend's chest with the strength and accuracy of someone with their black belt in Tae Kwon Do.

"Hey bitch. Leave my boyfriend alone," the giraffe yelled, grabbing the nearest drink and pouring it over Alana's head. The grasshopper stained her skin and dress a sickly green.

"Girlfriend?" Alana asked Harambe, her eyes filling with tears, "I thought you loved me."

He simply shrugged and stuck his felt tongue back in the giraffe's mouth. Alana paused for a moment, watching the couple make out. But she was quickly grossed out by the length and blueness of the giraffe girls tongue. It looked like an alien slug trying to slide down an unknowing victims throat so it could use the body as a host to take over the world, plus the grasshopper was beginning to dry and Alana didn't want her dress to be ruined.

She walked out of the club, and the fresh autumn air helped calm Alana's burning rage. But without the distraction of the moving bodies and the banging of the music, she felt a wave of sadness wash over her. A sob burst from her lips as tears began to fall. Alana leaned her body against the red brick of the nightclub and sank herself down to the pavement. On the dirty floor, stained green by the giraffe's drink and sobbing Alana felt like giving up hope. Thoughts of stepping forward into traffic filled her brain, but before she could even stand up, a small green Muppet sat down next to her.

"It ain't easy being green," he said, "I'll give you a ride home, I'm a certified Uber driver. I hope you don't mind Uber pool though; I do still need to make a living."

Alana nodded and got into the amphibians car. She sat waiting as the Uber driver went out in search of his other passenger. Tears stopped falling from her eyes and Alana took the time to pull herself together. The car door next to her opened, startling her. It revealed an extremely handsome Muppet; he was a gingery-brunette with piercing black eyes. He had a brown hat and a cravat looked like it was ripped from a picnic blanket, he was the best-dressed Muppet she had ever seen. She scooted her butt to the other side of the car to make room for him, and he settled down next to her. They were so close she could feel his warmth, and the smell of his fur filled the car, it reminded her of childhood camping trips up in northern New York State.

 _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_ began playing on the radio, but it was a cover done by the Uber driver, probably recorded in his bathroom. Alana and the handsome man looked at each other both making small faces at the radio and smiling.

"So where are you headed to miss?" the driving frog asked.

"She will be headed to my house," said the handsome Muppet, "I mean, if that's okay with her."

Both animals turned to look at Alana now. They patiently awaited her answer as the gears turned in her head. She could go with this random man who could be a bloodthirsty beast, or she could go home, drink tequila and cry. It was obvious to her, which was more appealing.

She nodded, "I'd like to go to this handsome boys house please."

The handsome Muppet smiled and reached for Alana's clammy hand while the frog rolled his eyes, muttering, "whore" under his breath. Alana ignored it because she knew she was indeed a whore.

His apartment was larger than most. Alana could tell he was swanky shit by the fireplace in his bathroom.

"I'm Fozzie by the way. I guess we never got a chance to introduce ourselves, hahaha," laughed Fozzie Bear. The throaty chucked made Alana's knees weak, her arms felt heavy. She almost wished she were at home eating her mom's spaghetti.

Fozzie moved forward, wrapping one furry paw around Alana's waist. He brushed her straight brown hair behind her shoulder before leaning in.

"Wocka Wocka," he whispered seductively, his fur brushed Alana's earlobe and she felt herself %$#$.

Alana turned so that her lips could meet where his would have been if he had lips, and they locked in an erotic kiss. She moaned into his oversized mouth. Fozzie pushed her against the wall with both soft felt hands and held her there. Just looking at how beautiful she was in light of the rising sun.

"Please," the word was just a breathy whisper from Alana's plump lips but it was enough to make Fozzie lose control. His animal instinct took over as he slung her over his shoulder and made his way to the bedroom. He threw her down on the bed unceremoniously and started to undo his cravat. Alana watched in pure horniness, she loved the way his fur looked like fried chicken if you didn't fully focus on it.

The cravat dropped to the floor and so did Alana's dress.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," said Fozzie as he pulled out his large #$%$# #$#.

Alana grabbed it, a little thrown off by how soft and flexible the felt was. But stuffing was quickly flowing #$%# $$#%#$$ # making it more and more firm. Fozzie Bear thrusted forward, $#& #%#&$#& #$# against Alana's $#%. She #$#%& *#$ &*, allowing the # *$&$# *%#$. The felt sucked all of the moisture out of her ##%#$ making #*$ #$#* difficult. The sexy bear seem to be enjoying it anyway, his mouth dropped open in ecstasy.

"Wocka, wocka, wocka," came his moans, each one louder than the last. Just when Alana thought that Fozzie would # *$&#*%* #*%$#& #*$&$# * he stepped back and pulled Alana up for a kiss. They both lay down on the bed, their kiss never ending.

"It's such a lengthy boy, I don't know if it will fit," whispered Alana, "and even if it did, your felt will absorb all the moisture."

Fozzie looked surprised at this, "Alana, I'm not going to #$ * you without a ! # $# , imagine trying to get all of that # $ # out of your #*&$. Come on, I care about you."

Tears began to fill her eyes again; Harambe had never cared about her comfort. She pulled Fozzie in even closer, hiding her face in his neck and slowly &$%*#$# herself onto his # &$# covered #&$*#%.

They both moaned once he was fully #$%#& in her. Alana move vigorously, $&#* #$ him as if he were a #&$#% Muppet. And Fozzie held her close, soaking up the sweat as it dripped down her back. His wocka wocka moans began again and Alana knew he was getting close. She *$#& $^%# even more; using the muscles that biking to and from school for the past month had given her.

Fozzie came with a loud animalistic WOCKA, #&$#% # $ # deep. He $&#^% *# #^ and Alana collapsed onto her back, worn out by the several minutes of physical exercise.

"Oh, I'm not done with you yet," murmured as he crept down so his face was #$&%# with her #&$ % #$# !.

Alana was so lost in ecstasy the entire time that she failed to notice the blinking red light in the corner of the room.

From a room on the upper floor Waldorf and Statler watched the live feed from their television screen.

"Hahaha, he calls that stamina?" Waldorf laughed.

"Maybe this guy IS funny after all," Statler chuckled.


End file.
